Cedarburg Bound!

Every year he goes to Alaska for the summer.. I was lucky enough to have him through most of the summer.. But the thought of him being gone for 6 weeks was leaving me an absolute mess!!

So being the amazing warrior that he is.. He decides to surprise me with a trip to Cedarburg, Wi and Holy Hill.. Two of my favorite places.

He hates selfies, he can't generally handle going out to eat, and most definitely doesn't going shopping in stores that aren't of necessity, and that he hasn't already grown accustomed to navigating. Because when he goes dark, he has taught his body how to "escape".. So surprising me with a trip, to do all of these things.. Was one of the most greatest acts of love I have ever received. 

Our first stop of the day was one of my favorite restaurants in Cedarburg. It's called the Anvil Pub & Grille and they have amazing food!! One of my favorite things there is the pesto mozzarella sticks wrapped in an egg roll wrapper and then fried!! So good!! He ordered a steak and I had the caprese salad.. Then he tells me to hurry up and take a selfie!

I just love the atmosphere of this little restaurant!! It's a restored 19th century blacksmith shop.. It's original walls, and antique artifacts.. It's just an amazing restaurant all around!

My next favorite place in Cedarburg is Amy's candy kitchen!! Their chocolate and caramel apples are worth the trip alone!! We grabbed an apple, some truffles, and chocolate covered bacon!! 

As we started the journey down the street with all the shops.. He sees this sign, and says.. "I am definitely 'Up The Creek'! haha!

We headed out to the last covered bridge in Wisconsin.. Just a small beautiful park.. With an amazing covered bridge.. That left the biggest smile on this mans face.. These are the moments I hang on to, I cling to. Reminding me of how happy he can be.. When not fighting his demons.

Shawn has always loved Ravens.. And it seemed every store we went to, had some sort of item with a Raven on it. So he bought our first Christmas ornament with a Raven. And this beautiful Dream Catcher jar with a Raven lid.. Both made by local artists!

Day 2: Heading up to Holy Hill!! The Basilica Church is absolutely breathtaking. Unfortunately it was closed due to the wonderful Covid19. But of course we had to get our Starbucks for the trip!

The weekend was coming to an end.. And he made sure I had plenty of forehead kisses. He knew I was going to have a hard time while he was gone.. So he planned the perfect weekend.. Filled with selfies, shopping, and forehead kisses.

The Way He Loves Me

So over the next four months, we were open books with each other. I slowly learned about his PTSD and how his body responds to his triggers. And he learned about some of my own personal demons and past insecurities. I struggled and stumbled over learning how to react and respond to him when he was triggered. 

On a much happier note, I learned that I would never be allowed to touch a door handle. No matter the situation.. Getting in to the car.. He opens the door.. Getting out of the car.. He opens the door.. Walking into the house.. He carries my purse, and all the groceries, and usually Starbucks.. Because he always had to buy me my favorite Starbucks and cake pops when we were out.. And even though his arms and hands were full when we got to the door.. He would yell at me.. (And I say "yell" very lightly.. As I have only heard the man even raise his voice one time.) If I even thought about trying to touch the door handle. If I woke up craving Starbucks rather than all of his fancy coffee's from one of his fancy coffee makers, he would run out and get me coffee.. And surprise me with those same cake pops. He also never allowed me to pump my own gas. Because Queen's don't pump their own gas. So he would always tell me, that if I was getting low on gas.. to just wait before I got any gas.. And he would fill it up.. Even threatening to drive down (We live an hour and 15 minutes apart) and go fill up my car if need be.

Date night always consisted of movie night at his house.. Because he can't really do the Friday night busy bar or restaurant scene.. But it was always perfect.. A mattress pulled into the living room with extra pillows, and my favorite fuzzy blanket.. Where he had a pile of my favorite candies for me to snack on while he cooked dinner. And then we would curl up and watch a movie with a fuzzy blanket.

This routine went on for weeks. And some days he would call me to tell me he needed to shut down for the day. Either because of a doctors appointment, or errands that had to be run, or because he felt pressured or triggered by something. Sometimes that something would be me.. After all, it's been a learning curve for me. I'm still learning. But he would just need a day of very minimal contact and interaction. 

But he made my insecurities disappear. Those feelings of never being able to be enough. Were gone. He had the ability to love me the way I needed to be loved.. Without me having to explain to him what I needed or when. I felt safe. I felt secure. I felt loved. I was adored.. And I know all of these things, by him constantly telling me "I adore you." I never have felt loved the way he loved me. I never felt more wanted. And at the same time, I knew I never have loved someone unconditionally. I've never known unconditional love. I knew early on, that I was willing to be there for him through the highs and the lows. I have learned and grown so much, within myself.

We definitely had our roller coaster of emotions as we tried to find our way through the beginning of new found territory. And learning how each of us would react and respond to the others actions and responses proving to be some of our highest highs and lowest lows. But then we would find ourselves pulled right back to each other knowing we had so much more to learn about each other.

It hasn't been easy.. And while this blog will partially be about this amazing love story that's unfolding.. But it's mainly going to be about my journey being a ptsd warrior's caregiver, and the struggles the warrior goes through, as well as the struggles of loving someone with severe PTSD. So I hope you enjoy this journey, and become more educated on the struggles of someone struggling to survive in this world of "normalcy".

An Online Profile

Let me take you on a journey. I'm going to forewarn you, it's going to get a little bumpy, but I promise you it's worth the ride. 

Oh the lovely world of online dating. The fake profiles, the immediate inappropriate pictures, the catfishing, or the dating for a short time, and then them not being ready to date.. The list goes on and on. Then a profile pops up in my "People who like you" section.. Of a 6'4", dark haired Alaskan. Laid out before me was a long and detailed profile explaining all he has to offer. And also explaining his severe PTSD and the pros and cons of dating him because of it. How much he gives, cares, and loves those lucky enough to be in his life.

He says a quick few lines about how he once traveled on a long road trip in the search of some great coffee.. (My profile stated my love for road trips) Having a million questions I wanted to ask in regards to everything he poured into his profile, I decide to message him back. We send a few pleasantries back and forth.. And he asks if he can message me later because he has some things he needs to get done.. I immediately think I must have said something he didn't like and thought about hitting that un-match button. But he sends me his cell, and so I text him and tell him to just text me when he's not busy, with not much hope of hearing back from him.

A couple hours later he texts me.. We exchange a few texts, and then he asks "Would you have time to talk?".. I tell him "Sure".. And he says "May I call you?".. Which I respond with "Of course". Thinking how strange it was to be asked those questions.. Fast forward to 7:15am.. And we are still talking on the phone.. A full 9 1/2 hours later of talking nonstop..  He tells me he's going to jump in the shower, and drive an hour and fifteen minutes to take me to coffee. 

First selfie he sent me while on the phone for 9 hours.

"Coffee" ends up lasting 3 hours.. And it was time for my 3 month follow up appointment about my back.. I go to tell him good bye, and he asks if it would be strange if he went to my appointment with me, that he would just wait in the car for me.. I tell him I don't care, and long story short.. We have been together ever since. 

The next several blog posts will be about our journey thus far over the past 9 months. And then I will begin to document our story as it happens. As we learn our way and grow together. I will be sharing all of it. The highs. The lows. The struggles. The Learning. The growth.. The healing. The battle that PTSD brings, and the demons that come with it. 

I hope you enjoy our story. I hope it inspires you. I hope you learn from it.. I pray you become educated in the hardship of PTSD and the chaos it can cause for the individual and the ones they love the most. Because I know my eyes have definitely been opened these past several months. And I'm learning more and more every day. So buckle up, and embark with me on this amazing journey of how I am finding my way in finding love with someone with severe PTSD. 

Lovingly,

The Warrior's Girl